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November 16, 2009 – Depression

I could not stand anymore due to seriously lacking of sleep in the ward. So I slept from 12:30am until 6:30am, until I was awakened by Abbie. She was calling for help, she was too tired, she did not sleep at all the whole night. I felt guilty knowing that.

She said Hayden doesn’t want to sleep alone in the cot. Initially, I wanted Hayden to sleep with the mother, and I sleep on the floor alone, the cot needed not be assembled. But Abbie refused to it. She wanted me to sleep next to her, that was why I assembled the cot for Hayden. As expected, Abbie suffered the whole night. She had to carry Hayden in arm or shoulder the whole night, and to poke the nipples into Hayden’s mouth to suck for comfort like a pacifier. Hayden did not suck milk.

I took over the job, she went for a shower. Hayden’s legs were shaking, we thought it is jittery. Abbie was so depressed that she cried in front of me. We decided to take Hayden for a paediatrician early in the morning. Hayden cried out loud again. We guessed Hayden must had been hungry. We poked the nipples into Hayden’s mouth again, he did not want it. We had no choice but to use bottles to feed him. Finally, Hayden finished about 50 ml of breast milk from the bottle. We thought we are successful as Hayden really consumed a lot with bottle, plus I could feed Hayden for Abbie also, it is impossible for me to breastfeed hayden with nipples.

We took Hayden for Dr. Koe. at OUG. Dr. Koe is not only a paediatrician, she is also an experienced lactation consultant. Dr. Koe checked Hayden physically, she taught us the right way to breastfeed Hayden, she corrected us, she gave us advice. she advised us not to use bottle to feed Hayden as it could confuse Hayden about a nipple and teat. Hayden measured 1.9 kg in the clinic, it is 0.1 kg loss compared to the delivery day. Abbie cried.

Then, Dr. Koe found Hayden’s tongue is too short, it could have distrubed his sucking ability in direct breastfeeding. Also, with a short tongue, speaking ability will be affected too. Therefore, Dr. Koe suggested to cut little of the bottom of his tongue, it helps Hayden to extend his tongue for better sucking. She said it is a very minor operation, it takes a few seconds to get done.

When Abbie heard this, she burst into tears, she collapsed and groaned:-

“No, no… I don’t want, I don’t want. Haydennn… Mummy is sorry to you, Denn… Sorry, mummy… mummy… Arrhhh… Why like that one? He is so small, so small… I don’t want… Dear, I don’t want!”.

I asked Dr. Kow if it is necessary to cut it, she answered certainly,”Yes”.

I asked again if the tongue will extend itself when Hayden grows bigger or something. Her reply was ‘No’ definitely.

I looked at Abbie, she looked at me, she cried, she asked me to decide. Without much thought, I agreed to it and signed the concent letter. Then Abbie collapsed totally, I hugged her, she cried on my shoulder. During the so-called minor operation, I asked Abbie not to look at it, but I was staring at Hayden curiously thoughtout the process.

After visiting Dr. Koe, we feel much better. Regarding the loss of weight, Dr. Koe said it is normal to newborn baby. We felt relief after hearing that. We told Dr. Koe that Hayden was jittery and sneezed. Dr. Koe said those are not jittery, and sneeze is normal for infant as their nose is freaking sensitive.

On the breastfeeding side, Dr. Koe advised us not to use bottle in the meantime. She wanted us to use syringe. We practised in the clinic with the guidance of Dr. Koe, it works well for Hayden. With syringe, I could help on feeding Hayden, to give more rest to Abbie.

Everything is good after seeing Dr. Koe. I could sleep well, Abbie gets enough sleep too, Hayden’s cry-frequency has been reduced to an acceptable level, which sound good for everybody.

By the way, Abbie just woke up from a 3 hours tight sleep, it is time for me to have a good sleep…

More photos of Hayden after this:-